I've tried so hard.

I've tried really big web applications. I've tried giving them loads of data. I've run them on virtual machines with a processor time-share and laughably small dedicated RAM; the kind of rig that's in mortal danger if you need more than one MySQL connection at a time. I've even cheated and done the testing over the internet, hoping the latency there would skew my figures.

I still can't find anything as slow as Microsoft Sharepoint.

How do they do it?